There's a lot of static.

When I feel as chaotic as I do right now, it makes me wonder how I keep myself from exploding. The last two days have been nothing but me going out of my mind ready to throw everything out the window or burst into tears or hide in my bed or leap off a cliff.

Numerous of thoughts have occurred to me. None of them helpful.

The only thing I've really been able to get done since being back is this sketch. Something meaningful out of all the meaningless things I've been doing... Or. Been unable to do as I've been extremely unproductive for the last several months or so.

A redesign of a tattoo for a friend, a symbol of her love for her children regardless that they have autism. And yes it seems inconceivable to not love your children because of autism, but you would be amazed at how horrible people can be. And I respect her very much for what she has to do every single day with her two children.

Aside from this I'm completely useless.

Could things be worse? Certainly.
Could I be making them better at this particular moment? Yes in plenty of ways.

However I lack the motivation to do any of it. Anything in general plus the matters of insecurity and worthlessness that have cropped up yet again. I fear I've gone through these circles a little too often for comfort. But I have no solution, as much as I think and think and think. I have nothing.